“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” - Barack Obama

Change is good. Or so they say. And, yet, when we look it in the eye, we often cringe, cower, or hide. Because embracing change challenges us on so many levels. And that rings true regardless of the nature of the changes that we face.

Sometimes we need to make a change because the consequences of staying the same can lead to disaster. And at other times, change presents itself as an ideal. It’s something we dream about and aspire to achieve. But… If only… And someday… Either way, change can hover around like an obstacle that’s just too massive to overcome. It’s an untamed beast, a raging sea, the highest mountain... In short, it’s intimidating and even scary as hell!

But it doesn’t have to be. Because our relationship with change begins (and ends) with our frame of mind.

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up." — James Belasco and Ralph Stayer, Flight of the Buffalo (1994)

Well said, James and Ralph. That statement certainly does ring true. But there’s also a little more to it…

We are hard-wired to resist change!

I’m talking about biology, baby... Our brains yearn for certainty, and those cravings are part of our instinct to survive. An ability to swiftly assess our situation greatly boosts our chances of staying alive. So, to our brain’s way of thinking, that change is a threat to our life.

Seriously!

So, can you see why overcoming those instincts is such a challenge?

You simply want to change your diet and exercise habits, but your brain says, “Hold on there, girly… these new healthy habits could kill you! Now grab that bag of chips and head to the couch immediately!”

And it gets worse…

We then punish ourselves for eating those chips and sitting on the couch.

So, let me ask you a question… When’s the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back and said, ‘well done?”

Did I just hear the word ‘Never?

That’s what I thought.

Now… When’s the last time you silently (or not so silently) berated yourself for messing things up?

Two minutes ago, you say?

That sounds about right.

Don’t goad yourself into making a change because you’re afraid you will regret a decision to maintain the status quo. And if you do decide to make a change, don’t punish yourself for any missteps or adopt an all-or-nothing attitude. Because if you do, you are not that likely to succeed. Momentum ebbs and flows. The key is to ride the wave when it comes along and then patiently and persistently wait for the next one. You can’t sit at on the crest forever. You simply have to commit to getting back on that wave after each crash.

Also, remember, failure is a natural and almost inevitable part of the change process. We tend to want to give up in the very moment that we believe we won’t succeed. But don’t. Because failure is simply part of the process and necessary so that we can learn how to reevaluate the process and adjust it to get it right. Just keep going. And remember that even a baby step in the right direction makes a difference and helps you overcome obstacles in the long run.

We Skip Details

You want to start exercising. Great! So, you tell a few friends and family members that you’re going to start exercising. Even better!

Then you go to the gym a time or two when you get the chance. Your muscles ache, and you decide to skip a few days to let your body heal. And then, somehow, you never show your face at the gym again.

Does the story sound familiar? And more to the point… why is it so darned familiar?

Well for one thing, the plan lacked SMART goals – or Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-sensitive goals.

For example… You say, “I’m going to exercise.” Big deal, right? But then you say, “I’m going to the Y four days a week to exercise for at least 30 minutes starting tomorrow and lasting through the next three months.” And now you’re talking! You get more results if you establish what you’re going to accomplish and lay out exactly how you’re going to do it.

We try taking one big leap as opposed to taking multiple, measured steps.

Remember how the tortoise beat the hare to the finish line?

Change is a progression that takes time. It involves taking steps… one by one. We live in a culture that prizes immediate gratification. But instantaneous results don’t often last. The most enduring change involves steady and calculated steps in the direction you’re heading.

It isn’t easy… and we resist it, which can leave us in an awkward place. But it is possible to change with grace if you…

Develop a growth mindset

We typically adopt one of two mindsets - a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. Go for the former. Because when making a change, it’s better to tap into a growth mindset. Here’s why…

With a growth mindset, we acknowledge room for improvement. In turn, this sets us on a path of finding more knowledge and developing more skills. And making a change usually involves a desire to do or to be better. We encounter change as a task rather than a threat.

This approach is opposite to that which accompanies a fixed mindset. Those with a fixed mindset see themselves as naturally good at some things and bad at others. They consider these traits innate and, therefore, difficult to overcome. In turn, they believe that change is nearly impossible. And so, they give up more easily.

The good news is, you can adopt a growth mindset if you’re not already there. To start, Tell yourself… over and over again… that change is a test of fortitude and strength, not a threat to your well-being. Acknowledge your progress… both big and small. Identify role models who operate with a growth mindset and follow their lead.

Be Positive

Think about attitudes toward change. They vary widely, but there are two basic categories they fall into – negative thinking and positive thinking.

One woman starts a weight loss program because her doctor told her she must in order to avoid developing type 2 diabetes. But she’s tried this before, and she’s failed. In her heart of hearts, she doesn’t see why this time will be any different.

Another woman starts a weight loss routine because she’s been feeling tired lately and would like to have more energy. She wants to be able to keep up with her young children at the playground. She’s tried to lose weight before and didn’t succeed. But she believes that she simply needs to take a different approach. She knows it won’t be easy, and she also knows that it will be worth the effort.

Now, who do you think is more likely to succeed?

Acknowledge process

We tend to envision change as an event rather than a series of steps that leads to progress. And though it would certainly be nice to will ourselves to change and be done with it… it simply doesn’t work that way. If you’re in for making a lasting change, you’re in for a long haul.

One of the most popular models of behavior change, the Transtheoretical Model (TTM) includes five steps: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. And researchers who defined this model explain that each stage is equally important because it prepares an individual for the next phase of change. For that reason, they conclude that passing over any stage inevitably leads to setbacks.

Build a support team

We’re more likely to succeed when at least one other person cheers us on. It’s just a psychological truth. So, don’t be shy. Build up your support team and let them encourage you along as you wade through the seas of change.

Take on the world! Be your change! It won’t be easy, but you owe it to yourself to give it a try. And just knowing that you will face challenges prepares you to enter the race. So, get on your marks… because you’ve got this one… really!